I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
