I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
