You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
