Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
