Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Actions speak louder than pants.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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