can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
