I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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