omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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