I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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