Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
