What did we do last night that was yellow?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
