Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
