Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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