booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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