so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
