and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its liver damage thursday
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
