I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How external is "for external use only"?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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