What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
