ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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