I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
