Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
