I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
