Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize