Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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