Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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