I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
