she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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