i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
