The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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