I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
