I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
