I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your cock deserves a montage
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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