My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
