Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
