You made me cry and you don't even care
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
