If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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