i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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