this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
