I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
