If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize