I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize