Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
