It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
