I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
