Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize