I'm sorry my penis didn't work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
