I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
