I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
