The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
