She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
