I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
