I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
