O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
