Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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