and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
