What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
