I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
