...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
