So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
