If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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