see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
