you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize