i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
