He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
