i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
