It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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