if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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