: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
