I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
