I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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