It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
