He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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