new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
