Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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