I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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