Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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