Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
