so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im part way to drunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
