College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
