I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize