tonight lets celebrate not being married
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
