I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
