my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
