call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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