Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
