yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
