She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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