I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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