Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
