Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
