Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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