whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
that is very illegal...i love you.
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