If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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