Can Purell be used as lube?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize