My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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