I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I lost the right to judge tonight
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
