I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
