Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
