nut hugger
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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