There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
