go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
