I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
