I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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