Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
