my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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